Thursday, January 19, 2017

Many things to explore on blogger!


This blog has been idle for like a year. And it looks like I am only updating it once a year. ( Think positive, no sighing)

This year, was checking around, and Google just have too many to offer. Many things that I can utilize to discover my talents, find myself. However, I think I might be too lazy to bother, or worse, to learn.

To be honest, I have the thought to continue my study. I want to achieve more salary. I have a feeling that I maybe weak in business, or just plain lazy. Thus, the feeling of insecurities, if I can do well in my studies.

Life in Malaysia now, even in Kuching is not that easy anymore. Need more money. Probably, more money is just to boast my ego. My ego to my family. Probably, inside me, I am just dying to show them that I can buy a new home, or I need a new house for me-self. And this is all yet is about me. I want this, I want that.

Wow, if you ask me a few years back, my answer would be very simple. Funny how it takes 28 year old me (coming to 29 in 2 months) to finally think like what people expects me to do. Been married for almost 3 years, but only now have the sense to think of my future, or think like normal adult my elders have trying to tell me?

*Laugh with me, ha ha ha

Is it too late? I don't really feel it is too late. It is just, now that it just come to me. I not sure why now, and why not earlier.

Probably, the thought of having children makes me think like this. An adult, a proper adult that lives to other people expectation.

But, life is too short to think about it seriously.

What say you?

Oh ya, anyway, I have other blog, which I focus on food, but yet to update. I want to update about lasagna. I am selling lasagna now. I wonder, if i can make proper business plan for my lasagna.

Just hope everything goes well (too lazy to pray).

Sigh (think positive). What am I hardworking on? *Looking at the blurry future ahead.

Just that, AlhamdulIllah, Allah loves me regardless of who I am. Allah provides me many things I need, even though I am one of the worst servant of Allah.

Another thing about me, not many people know I am a Muslim. Or they know, but hate to believe it. Or they just don't care. Or they are frustrating. Life is frustrating in a way. How it ended up like this, let it be my secret between me and my Creator.

Last time, I can talk about spiritual things with a friend. But now, I still feel that spiritual thingy, is just that, it is not something that can be told to anybody. Even last time, only 1 friend applied. How I miss to talk spiritual thing. Let me just being judge-y, it is more that I can't talk about it because the community I am in now are more judge-y, loves to judge and even before you start to speak, they already judge you in their mind. The person that I can talk to, that I feel light, is very far away, in terms of time, space, location, deen, imaan, in Malay I can say darjaat.

Wow, I am definitely straying from my initial post. Alright, time to sleep.

May Allah grant me another day to blog tomorrow, InsyaAllah.