Friday, February 12, 2010

playing in the rain

            it is 6.30 am. i surf the net to get overview on 17th february 2010 weather forecast but i did not get it. instead, i have today's forecast. it says that there will be light rain in the evening. rain, it sound so nostalgic. it is early in the morning, and my roomate is not in the room. i could not sleep so i am awake since 11 am last afternoon. about the rain, i post something on my facebook wall about it; how i wish that it won't be raining during my sampling date, how i wish it won;t be bad weather, how i ask the rain not to come until the holidays are over. ironic, because i remember, when i was a primary school kid, i love rain. i would love to play in the rain with my sister.
          i remember that one evening after school. by that time my sis already change school to as same as mine, so she should be in primary 2 i guess. that means i was 10 years old. ok, this incident happens when i was about 10 to 11 years old. i remember, when we both go back from school, it haven't start rain yet, then we go to the backyard(sort of) of the house which dad brought in Tabuan Jaya. we still in our school uniform. ah, i think our grandma was there, taking care of the little boy, maybe. i couldn't remember well.
          but i remember this. i have told my sister in the school bus before reaching home about how i want to play in the rain. so when we reach home, i think both of us directly go to the backyard and looking at the sky, praying for rain to come. maybe my sister by that time was just following step by step that i walked. i reach out my hand to the unsheltered part of the backyard, hoping that some water will drip on it. the sky was very promising, and it did rain. we play in the rain, still in our school uniform ,and i believe we haven't have our lunch yet.
        we played with the water, splashing around, kick the muddle, behaving like kids who never saw rain, and we play and play. when the rain gets heavier, our play gets heavier to. we don't mind the hurt cause by the dripping rain or dust in the rain. we don't care about the fever that may will get us. maybe grandma was mad at that time, but we did not listen to her angryness. then the rain started to stop slowly. there is still a very light rain though, like when it first started. then , mummy and daddy come back from work (maybe that is how i remembered it). we didn't play as vigorously before, but we change our activity from splashing the water to capturing grasshoppers. the rain still drizzle about us. mummy questioned us about why we did not change yet, and nag if we did take our lunch or not. but i remember, i feel very satified, happy, good and innocent. daddy also ask question, but we were too happy with the grasshoppers and the rain and the rainbow that come thereafter, and the banana tree, and the green grass with some rain water 'accumulated' in specific spots.
         the plot here might change a bit from the reality, because it has been years since that occur. i'm almost 22 years old now. i love the old days. when i remember it, it gave me fresh memory about my daddy. he still alive and young then, with his bluish shirt and blue pants. i still can imagine the smell of the after rain. it feels so freash and alive. somehow, maybe all of us one family felt that, but we keep it to ourself.
         that innocent days are gone, and now i wish for it not rain to get my job now. as i grew up, i found out that rain doesn't bring your responsibilities and job anywhere. i become worried of rain, sometimes not because of the job, but i really feel troubled of rain at times since i get older. i couldn't remember why or when i feel uneasy,  but sometimes i don't like the sound of the rain hitting on the roof. rain sometimes sooth me, it feels good to sleep during rainy seasons, but good rain provides that. some rain really are troublesome.
        i continue to get older, i get into high secondary school. i meet different people, different teachers, different so-called deliquents. the stories continues, and it goes on without stop or wait for us...now, i am not as fun as i am 20 years ago, and my sis have changed in many aspects, and my little bro have grown a bit, my mum getting older too, and my dad already went to heaven. as in today, it have been 110 since he left. i still miss him, and i will always, and i don't think i want to stop. its weird that one day you have a father, and the next day you don't have him, and you are still young and have to live the rest of your days without your father. if i live another 40 years, it wud have been 40 years without him. my bro wud have to live longer without a father. i do make the calculations, how my father would not be there at most of my time as an adult. i just started to begin, he left. i don;t know what my other siblings would think, but they will definitely have their own way of expressing it. for me, remembering my father during his life is wonderful, it hurt, but it is wonderful, just like when you first fall in love, or when you are experiencing love at first sight. and rain, no one could stop it, but it feels good to have someone to be with you during the pouring time.

No comments: