Monday, June 7, 2010

Something Bleeds

I heard a footstep outside my door
Praying that it's u outside
i've been expecting for days for you
to take me somewhere we can go
but when i open the door,
i see none of you but the postman instead

he gave me a letter covered with perfumed red envelop
he smiles n walk away as he done his job
delivering this letter i wonder from who it is
as it was addressed to me

but something bleeds inside myself
as i read the letter
i open it up and found out that it was from you
and you said u wanna leave
forever form my life
and something bleeds inside me


he gave me the letter covered with perfumed red envelop
he smiles n walk away as he done his job
delivering this letter i wonder from who it is
as it was addressed to me
but something bleeds instead.......

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

thought of the day....

Shalom friends and family…hehe…I just read my newly downloaded electronic English Bible(menunjuk2 ba ni), and I now at the part where God told Noah about He wanted to pour rain in seven days for 40 days 40 nights. Then I am started to wondering, what if I am at Noah’s place???if God ask me to build the ark according to His specification, I think I can do it…but to choose which animal to be saved, for me that is the tricky part…God’s command is to choose 7 clean animals and 1 unclean one, same goes to the birds…and guess what, Noah did all this without questioning God, and he wisely choose the 7 animals!!!u know why I have problem doing this???because my flaw wud be


1) I’ll be asking God ‘God, why cant u just forgive all of them, and don’t pour the rain? they are Your creation, please don’t kill them’, or something like, God, have mercy on them…I wud likely to ask, becoz I know im not as obedient as Noah , he really follow anything God said….well, wud u???i am sum1 with lots of things in mind, and reasons of doing things so and so, mama-huhu…so, what God’s likely want to do really makes me wondering…and now im started to pondering myself, am I sinning for questioning God’s voice each day of life, like, ur mum ask u to do something, u questioned first, then u do it….who didn’t do that????awesome…ur cool….

2) I really couldn’t choose who can go upboard and who shudnt…I mean, all the animals are good…I couldn’t imagine im choosing 7 species of clean animals out of thousands species of them, and 1 unclean out of many of the thousands….huhuhhu…

Noah must have really been blessed by God that he can do all this….he obediently follow God, just like his kin, Abraham and his other descendants. He did not questioned God, he please God, and he is a very obedient to God…decisions that Abraham made also hard, imagine, sacrificing ur own son just becoz God ask to, and without any questions……I wud cry if I were told to sacrifice my own son, but Abraham, he did not even cry (according to the Bible, and I myself oso believe he did not cry)..just really put urself in these kind of people’s shoes..They r just human like u and me, but they done great…..imagine u are them…

But don’t worry people, ordinary sinful people of the new era…actually there is one prophet who is much closer to us….yes, I think u know who he is…it is Jonah, or Yunus (b.melayu)…read about him…I think we are more like Jonah….always doubt God, and always question God, and sometimes runaway from God….but let us really follow Jonah, because he turn back to God…..and St.Peter oso did the same, he deny Jesus, but then he go back to Jesus……just to be sure, as friends, let us kindly reminding each other to help each other so that we do not stray to faraway from God..when we see our friend mcm stray2 cat, we catch them with our net…..hehe…..in the hope that when we (hopefully not) oso stray, they will become our angel who bring us back to God….hehe…ok ok…..byk cakap daa….ba, c u later…..hehe..gudnyte..

Sunday, February 14, 2010

downloading torrent files . . .

i finally understand the principles of downloading torrent files using utorrent. i thought that having only 1 torrent in a queue will fasten the download, but i am wrong. it all depend on how many peers and seeders out there is helping u to download the file.

for example, for the file that i download only have 3 connected seeders, it will download faster than another file that have only 1 connected seeders. thus, having multiple download would not slows down your connection for the first download. i hope u understand that. as for peers, it helps u to upload the files.

in my utorrent right now, i am downloading 11 episodes of jdrama Maou, starring Ohno Satoshi and Toma Ikuta. at first, i only download it one by one, for the first 3 episode. while waiting for the 2nd to finish downloading, i became impatient and i started to queueing all the other 9 episodes. i did the speed test many times, but at that time i still thinking that 1 download at one time is sufficient. until i get curious how that my internet download manager can have faster download, so i check the setting. my broadband speed is only 384 kbps, but in the internet download manager, at the connection tab, it was set to 10 mbps LAN connection speed. something like that, as i may write it wrongly. so i change my speed in utorrent to 10 mbps, and i see that all my torrent starting to download. at first i was worried that it will be slow, but as i bserve, it was a good thing as what affect the download rate is how many seeders and peers u are connected to...so now, my setting is for the most optimum setting, i change the speed to enable my torrent to have 8 active downloads. then, i can see all 8 downloads racing to finish the first. apparently, it is not the 4th episode which will finish first, but the 6th one.

before i realise this, i thought that accelerators and utorrent turbo can help me getting more speed, but now i have learn that those accelerators and turbos did practically nothing!!!

so, my advice, you doesn't have to install all that craps...i have uninstall mine...as those who have lots of experience said, it is better to refering to utorrents own speed guide than to install crappy turbos and accelerators...

that's all i want to share...chao2 miao!!

oh, F.Y.I, i download the torrent from d-addicts forum. all the best for torrent rooies out there!!!

Friday, February 12, 2010

playing in the rain

            it is 6.30 am. i surf the net to get overview on 17th february 2010 weather forecast but i did not get it. instead, i have today's forecast. it says that there will be light rain in the evening. rain, it sound so nostalgic. it is early in the morning, and my roomate is not in the room. i could not sleep so i am awake since 11 am last afternoon. about the rain, i post something on my facebook wall about it; how i wish that it won't be raining during my sampling date, how i wish it won;t be bad weather, how i ask the rain not to come until the holidays are over. ironic, because i remember, when i was a primary school kid, i love rain. i would love to play in the rain with my sister.
          i remember that one evening after school. by that time my sis already change school to as same as mine, so she should be in primary 2 i guess. that means i was 10 years old. ok, this incident happens when i was about 10 to 11 years old. i remember, when we both go back from school, it haven't start rain yet, then we go to the backyard(sort of) of the house which dad brought in Tabuan Jaya. we still in our school uniform. ah, i think our grandma was there, taking care of the little boy, maybe. i couldn't remember well.
          but i remember this. i have told my sister in the school bus before reaching home about how i want to play in the rain. so when we reach home, i think both of us directly go to the backyard and looking at the sky, praying for rain to come. maybe my sister by that time was just following step by step that i walked. i reach out my hand to the unsheltered part of the backyard, hoping that some water will drip on it. the sky was very promising, and it did rain. we play in the rain, still in our school uniform ,and i believe we haven't have our lunch yet.
        we played with the water, splashing around, kick the muddle, behaving like kids who never saw rain, and we play and play. when the rain gets heavier, our play gets heavier to. we don't mind the hurt cause by the dripping rain or dust in the rain. we don't care about the fever that may will get us. maybe grandma was mad at that time, but we did not listen to her angryness. then the rain started to stop slowly. there is still a very light rain though, like when it first started. then , mummy and daddy come back from work (maybe that is how i remembered it). we didn't play as vigorously before, but we change our activity from splashing the water to capturing grasshoppers. the rain still drizzle about us. mummy questioned us about why we did not change yet, and nag if we did take our lunch or not. but i remember, i feel very satified, happy, good and innocent. daddy also ask question, but we were too happy with the grasshoppers and the rain and the rainbow that come thereafter, and the banana tree, and the green grass with some rain water 'accumulated' in specific spots.
         the plot here might change a bit from the reality, because it has been years since that occur. i'm almost 22 years old now. i love the old days. when i remember it, it gave me fresh memory about my daddy. he still alive and young then, with his bluish shirt and blue pants. i still can imagine the smell of the after rain. it feels so freash and alive. somehow, maybe all of us one family felt that, but we keep it to ourself.
         that innocent days are gone, and now i wish for it not rain to get my job now. as i grew up, i found out that rain doesn't bring your responsibilities and job anywhere. i become worried of rain, sometimes not because of the job, but i really feel troubled of rain at times since i get older. i couldn't remember why or when i feel uneasy,  but sometimes i don't like the sound of the rain hitting on the roof. rain sometimes sooth me, it feels good to sleep during rainy seasons, but good rain provides that. some rain really are troublesome.
        i continue to get older, i get into high secondary school. i meet different people, different teachers, different so-called deliquents. the stories continues, and it goes on without stop or wait for us...now, i am not as fun as i am 20 years ago, and my sis have changed in many aspects, and my little bro have grown a bit, my mum getting older too, and my dad already went to heaven. as in today, it have been 110 since he left. i still miss him, and i will always, and i don't think i want to stop. its weird that one day you have a father, and the next day you don't have him, and you are still young and have to live the rest of your days without your father. if i live another 40 years, it wud have been 40 years without him. my bro wud have to live longer without a father. i do make the calculations, how my father would not be there at most of my time as an adult. i just started to begin, he left. i don;t know what my other siblings would think, but they will definitely have their own way of expressing it. for me, remembering my father during his life is wonderful, it hurt, but it is wonderful, just like when you first fall in love, or when you are experiencing love at first sight. and rain, no one could stop it, but it feels good to have someone to be with you during the pouring time.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

none

:'(

A poem to God

God, i want to give you this song...it is not mine, but it has been hovering inside my head....

Hide me now
under Your wing
cover me
within Your mighty hand

when the ocean's rise and thunders roars
i will soar with You, above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
i will be still, and know You are God

find rest my soul
in Christ alone
know His power
in quiteness and trust

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

merepek....

i am all alone
sitting in my chair and sing
while having my dark chocolate drink im wondering
'why im here'
taking 5 minutes break
thinking back of past in life
i wonder if there are rest in the whole new world that i might break into

i...
there is gotta be more to life
live...
there gotta be more to see
my...
sick of haing too much
expectation...

there isn't a time when i am too much buzy
too much noise, to much acting i have to bear myself
when will i be someone that i really wanna me
is it me, or not me, where i am
am i confusing myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hate u hate u hate u
i don't care im not afraid of losing something
i have lost but that doesn't mean i will lost forever
lost thing can be found even better so i don't care about you

where did i stand now
in the midst of shitty people
where is my loving?
He is waiting at His door....

shit shit shit
is life all about shit???
we shit everyday, we shit every morning
it is good for your health
your life depends on shitting....

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

i want to scribble...

tonight, i have some feeling of wanting to scribble stuffs like what i want to type(apaka). okay, i m sharing something that i wrote in my FB status. it is good i think, and i kinda like it.


i want to tell u that i love u; i love u in the evening, i love u in the morning, and love also also at night, and also at midnight, not to forget midday, and early in the morning. i love u each day of my life, each hour of my life, and each second of my life. i love u at all my time.





likewise, tonight actually my mind is really depressed. why??because i just cannot stop myself from thinking about someone. i just can't stop it. maybe it is because i don't know how, or i don't when. maybe i need to ask him, and get over it that way. i couldn't really sleep because i think about him everyday, and consumed almost all my waking hours....it is like, i will thinking of him anytime and in everything i am doing..i don't know what happen to me, nor how to resolve all this, it is just i hope that somewhere in the future, everything is going to be alright....

or, maybe it is me who did not want to change.........

i really am going to be crazy...it looks like i have the answer in my life, but when i wanted to take action, all i can do is, i ended up praying to God asking what to do, and just left it there where it were left out and let time take over and God interfere...and continue to pray without knowing what actually i have been hoping...and it is a very long wait.......


i am going crazy....

i don't know..right now, i like to hope that time will go on fast so that i know how to deal with it, but fast forwarding my life, is not good because i will miss important and significant moment of my life. but sincerely, i m tired of waiting of uncertain moment, a moment where i can get over everything, or a moment of happily ever after, or whatever moment it is...i want to do something, but i ended up my patience were being tested, and i waiting again....

bla bla bla....bye...

Friday, January 1, 2010

Making money online?



Dear friends,

Do you know you can make money online? i am very sure you have heard of it. last night is a boring night for me, until i found this website and other website which makes me want to make more of what i have. do you know what i have last night? i have some money, online banking account, broadband for easy net surfing, my 5 yrs old notebook that my late father gave me, a little time, and my life. then i use these input to make output = money. How? click the above banner, read the terms and condition, and know the fabulous offer the website have. understand it and get to work when you are ready.

if you have any question, please don't hesitate to call me or mail me. For my friends out there who know my phone number, just gimme a call. for those who have troubles to reach me, just mail me or write a comment below.

and oh, for a reminder, this offer valid in MALAYSIA only.

let us strive to make the best out of what we have!!!

precinia patrick